I'M BACK

All this time
I knew someday you’d need to find
Something that you left behind
Something I can’t give you

All these tears
And like alight love disappears
But hearts are good for souvenirs
And memories are forever

All this time
All in all I’ve no regrets
The sun still shines the sun still sets
The heart forgives the heart forgets
But what will I do now with all this time

One more kiss
Even though it’s come to this
I’ll close my eyes and make a wish
Hoping you remember

All this time
All in all I’ve no regrets
The sun still shines the sun still sets
The heart forgives the heart forgets
But what will I do now with all this time

Say goodbye
Apart we’ll make another try
But don’t be sorry if you cry
I’ll be crying too

All this time
All in all I’ve no regrets
The sun still shines the sun still sets
The heart forgives the heart forgets
But what will I do now with all this time

All This Time - Tiffany

Well its been quite a while since i've updated and it seems like that phrase is what i start with everytime.  Sometimes its hard to find inspiration to write when all you do during the days is go to school and instead of taking naps, you find yourself at starbucks studying from 4 to 10 pm (Hawaii Time).  Very very sad.  Sometimes i wonder if school was really what I really missed those two years I was just working.  I arrived in HI in September and its been 8 months and 4 months since i've been in Cali.  Man time flies when you just study all the damn time.  In the beginning, I was able to find time to just relax and enjoy my time here.  But for the past 4 months I've found myself bogged down with studies.  I wish i could just take a step back, but instead a step back would be a giant leap backwards. 

BTW my cell phone got jacked friday afternoon at starbucks!!!!! Sucks!!!!  I wasn't mad that my phone was stolen, I was mad that i lost my phone numbers.  Thank god I remember some numbers.  Hmmmm, parent's hourse, parent's office, Greenmoor number, and bert's cell.  Thats bout it.  So now I gotta way bout a week for my new "refurbished" cell phone to arrive.  I had the Motorola V400 and now I'm getting the Motorola V551.  Don't know how much different it is, but i think its the newer version of my phone.  The numbers were one thing, but i think the things i'll miss most are the pictures on my phone.  Though the camera is crappy, I had memories.  All the pictures of my homies in irvine, the folks & sis, J's first taste of the red beans and rice at popeyes, Nora falling asleep and dana/rach/me taking pictures with her, my homies in HICP, Caroline & the monster sized pho bowl... SUCKS!!!!

You know I hold onto notions that are very idealistic.  Usually I'm good at keeping them supported, but lately I've been finding some ideas hard to retain.  Everyday life brings up events that just make you wonder why you believe in such things and why you hold onto these ideals.  I guess sometimes its just hard to find the reasons to keep them, so I'm gonna trash some.  I know that seems vague, its no biggy really.  I just have so much things in my head, from school, to finances, to extra stuff that shouldn't even be in my head but still finds its way in there for me to dwell on as i read immunology, pharmaceutics, pharmacokinetics, pharmacy law, pharmacy drug info, and then I dwell on things for a minute, go back to reading, then 15 minutes passes and it comes back.  Then i need the ultimate stress reliever, that good ol parliament menthol light.  Then I say "aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh" and i'm good for another round of reading.  I tell you its a vicious cycle or read for an hour take a cig break, study for an hour, cig break, eat, cig, study, cig, sleep.  Where has my life gone?  There better be a nice end of the rainbow surprise here, damn it!  Or else I'm Mr Moody and I'm not in a good moody! i mean mood! 

Its 2am HI time (4am PST) and I find myself awake.  Its been a good, relaxing spring break so far.  Not worrying about school or any other things.  Time to recooperate, recharge, and go through another 3 months.  I can't wait till I am able to go home again.  This is going to be my longest stint here in HI, 7 months before going home.  Almost 4 months down and 3 to go. 

I still find myself not being able to write a lot on this journal.  I really don't know why.  Part of it is probably that I don't think you all will want to hear about the studying I find myself doing everyday or anything thats in my head I don't really want to write about or that I want to write about things that are thought provacative/interesting/humorous/philosophical but I can't seem to think of anything in that nature.  So pretty much you and me are screwed.  But I will try now to be creative.

Last week I had a dream.  I usually don't have dreams that i remember vividly, but when I do its not during my night time sleep.  Its always my naps or my snooze times and it only occurs during a small amount of time.  Well during one of my naps I dream that I was sent to find ingredients or just stuff in Cali.  As i'm trying to find these things, I get warped to a party and something happens that pisses me off.  I wake up still feeling pissed off.  I don't know why emotions are so intense during some dreams.  Its not really the first time this has happened, but everytime it does, the anger still consumes me for 1/2 an hour or so after I wake up.  Just something random.

Well if I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening and good night!

I think it's getting to the point
where I can be myself again
I think it's getting to the point
where we have almost made amends
I think it's the getting to the point
that is the hardest part.

And if you call, I will answer
and if you fall, I'll pick you up
and if you court this disaster
I'll point you home

You think I only think about you
when we're both in the same room
You think I'm only here to witness
the remains of love exhumed
You think we're here to play
a game of who loves more than whom

And if you call, I will answer
and if you fall, I'll pick you up
and if you court this disaster
I'll point you home

You think it's only fair to do what's
best for you and you alone
You think it's only fair to do the same
to me when you're not home
I think it's time to make this something that is
more than only fair

So if you call, I will answer
and if you fall, I'll pick you up
and if you court this disaster
I'll point you home.

But I'm warning you, don't ever do
those crazy, messed up things that you do
If you ever do
I promise you I'll be the first to crucity you
Now it's time to prove that you've come back
here to rebuild.

Call & Answer -- Barenaked Ladies